Iniquity
by Gooey
Summary: Ness has been rejected from the Smash Mansion. OH NO! He fights for his revenge and destiny to fight along side his so called 'friends.' It is an ultimate battle of justice, injustice, and evil psychics with no friends whatsoever! EPIC!
1. Dereliction

**Iniquity**

**Chapter 1: Dereliction**

Ness had arrived back at the Smash Mansion after a long holiday back to his home town, Onett. It had been a while; no-one exactly cared though, so he walked into the mansion without any greetings. But, of course, being the annoying little psychic he was, he just had to be happy and excited.

"Hey everyone! Isn't it great that I'm back? Now we can catch up all again!" Ness said happily.

Everyone groaned.

"Hey, kid, you don't belong here anymore. You're not good enough to be with us Smashers anymore."

Ness turned around to see a kid his age with a blond haircut that used a heck of a lot of gel.

"And who might _you _be?" Ness asked.

"Why don't you find out, _psychic_?" the boy sneered.

"No… don't tell me that you're my replacement!" Ness gasped.

"I'm your replacement! AHAHAHA! And all you fools shall burn in my… uh…"

Everyone looked at the kid.

"What I meant to say is that we're throwing Luigi in jail tonight!"

Everyone cheered.

"And that means that you, Ness, are no longer living here! You see, Lucas here is replacing you! And the only reason we'd take you back is if he was dead! For now, however, you are considered officially insane!" Master Hand chuckled.

"NOOOOooOOO!" Ness screamed, as he was dragged away by some Koopas.

* * *

Ness soon found himself in a jail cell, which just happened to be outside the Mansion.

"Why did this happen to _me_, of all people! I have friends! I'm popular!" Ness said loudly.

"Nah, in-a fact, I-a am-a better than you-a!" Luigi sneered, sitting right next to him.

"I'll get you for that one day!" Ness exclaimed.

"Heh, sucker."

Luigi jumped out the cell window, which just happened to be open.

"If only I could find a way out," Ness said, in deep thought.

Just then, Yoshi walked up to the cell window.

"Yoshi! You have come to save me! Oh, thankyou, for the goodness in your heart has-"

"No, stupid!" Yoshi chuckled. "I've just come here to laugh at your idiocy!"

Ness started to cry… thus, Yoshi laughed at his idiocy.

"I don't even know what 'idiocy' means!" Ness wailed.

Yoshi laughed even more.

"Hey, Yoshi! If you let me out, I'll give you a banana!" Ness said, smiling.

Yoshi sighed.

"Or a watermelon!"

Yoshi pulled out a giant mallet.

"I know! Your actions just gave me an idea! You'll love this… I'll give you a giant mallet!"

Yoshi hit Ness across the face, killing him. Of course, Ness is psychic and too wimpy to die, so his skin healed in a few seconds.

"Aha! Now that you have hit me in the side of the face you have made a gaping hole in the bars of this cage!"

"And now I can hit you in the face with more ease!" Yoshi said.

They both chuckled.

"Of course, being the good green dinosaur you are, you'd never-"

Yoshi hit Ness in the side of his face, this time, knocking him unconscious.

* * *

Ness woke up, chained to the walls of his cage. 

"I must think of a different way to get out now! Hm…"

Ness thought for a while.

"I know! To get out, I must use _brute force_!" Ness announced, laughing. "Hey, Yoshi!"

The dinosaur went to the side of his cage.

"What now?" he asked.

Suddenly, Ness, using his extraordinary psychic force, pulled Yoshi towards him.

"And now to finish you! Ahahahaha!" Ness laughed.

"Ararararara!" the helpless voracious green galloping omnivore screamed, using every muscle to struggle out of the psychic wrath of the psychotic psychic psycho psyching the psyched pseudo-psycho dinosaur, of which was mostly innocent but was highly guilty of the innocence he bestowed upon the not so innocent guilty, insane, enraged, deranged child attempting to psychotically murder the green being in a highly psychic way, not physically under any circumstances, making the happy, glad, gleeful, content, pleasant, pleased, delighted, ecstatic, green, cold-blooded lizard very unhappy, sad, unwell, troubled, and dismal in the way that he did not like the fact that he was choked, supposing that this 'he' was a he and that 'he' was not imaginary.

"Now, to finish you!" Ness screamed, laughing evilly.

Ness slapped Yoshi.

"Wait… I thought when you said 'finish' you meant 'kill!'" Yoshi said, startled.

"Oh… no, of course not! That would be wrong and unnecessary! You see, I am a good person, and I do not long for revenge, but something more. I try to be nicer and try to convince others to join me on my quest of purity! So… Yoshi… will you join me on my journey back to the Mansion to reclaim my position?"

"But that isn't a quest of purity! It _is_revenge, stupid!" Yoshi said, slapping his forehead.

"Why, yes it is! Why did I have such little foresight?"

"Maybe it's because you aren't a genuine psychic," Yoshi said, rolling his eyes.

"Or maybe… it is because destiny chose me! As a hero destined for his heroism, I do not need planning or logic; I must follow my path to the Smash Mansion to reclaim my rightful position once and for all!"

"WHAT!?" Yoshi exclaimed, shocked. "Lucas is only there because nobody likes you!"

"But I thought everyone only hated Luigi!"

"I hate to break the news, kid, but they like him more than you!"

Ness started to cry. "No one ever liked me!"

"Sucker," Yoshi said, chuckling.

"Please… if you let me out… I'll be your bestest friend forever!"

"… Nah. And anyway, I'll probably eat your possessions."

"That makes me real angry! And you don't like me if I'm angry!"

"Actually, I don't, I'll have to agree with you. This probably means you'll slap me more," Yoshi said, sighing.

"No, Yoshi! I will have to use my hypnotic powers!"

"Here we go again," Yoshi said. "They should pay me more for this."

"You will set me free!" Ness said, attempting to scare Yoshi, but miserably failing.

"Ooh, I'm so scared," Yoshi smirked.

"And become my evil minion to beat up Lucas!" Ness said.

"Um… no?"

"I know!" Ness said, smiling in triumph. "I shall infuse your mind with mine using my awesome powers! MWAHAHAHA!"

"That sounds cool," Yoshi said.

"Not for you! AHAHAHA!" Ness laughed.

"Wait! You don't even have the power of mind possession! That makes no sense at all!"

"Well, if this job sucks, why don't you set me free and quit?"

"Because if I set you free, I'll surely die!"

"That's right! Now get to work or else I shall fry you for breakfast!" Master Hand screamed, bursting through the room.

The ominous hand left.

"On second thought, maybe I will…"

Yoshi opened Ness' cage.

"You fool! Now you have set me free and I can wreak havoc on the Smash Mansion so-"

"But Lucas is evil anyway."

"All the more reason for you to join my side!"

"… Well, if that's what it takes for a decent break from this dump."

Ness hugged Yoshi. "I can't believe you're doing this!"

"Nor can I," Yoshi replied, smacking his head.


	2. Acrimoniously Acrid

**Iniquity**

**Chapter 2: Acrimoniously Acrid**

"Um… Master Hand?"

Yoshi waited outside the floating monstrosity's office.

"Master Hand!?"

The door suddenly swung open, slamming into his face.

Lucas came out of the door, picking his shiny, already clean teeth with a toothpick.

"Fine, I'll let you live next to the TV. But next time it explodes, don't come running to me!" the Hand screamed furiously.

"Don't worry, pal! I stole some of your money and gave it to some technicians from Dreamland!" Lucas said, smiling.

An explosion was heard.

The boy closed the door, only to notice Yoshi, knocked unconscious.

"Oh no! Yoshi's been hurt!" Lucas said, in utter disbelief.

Everyone gasped.

Peach ran towards Yoshi crying, knocking Lucas out of the way.

"My dear little dinosaur, DEAD!" Peach screamed, leaning over the dinosaur's body. "I always loved him!"

"Uh… Peach, did I fail to point out that Yoshi is still alive, just knocked out?" the psychic said, standing up.

"Oh. RUN AWAY!"

Peach jumped out the nearest window, falling in to a rose bush.

"If any of you are looking for me, I'll be at the morgue!" Lucas said, carrying the green dinosaur away.

"But he'll surely die! Look at those gashes and wounds!" Young Link gasped, oblivious to the fact that Yoshi only had a bruise on his forehead.

"Would I ever let that happen?"

Lucas smiled at everyone, and his teeth glistened in the light.

"Oooh," Samus and Zelda said in unison.

Everyone chuckled.

"So long, folks! Remember, tomorrow's the funeral!"

Everyone cheered.

Lucas dragged the dinosaur away.

* * *

"Hm… what's taking that dumb animal so long?" Ness pondered. 

He paced back and forth across the garden.

"I know! I'll go into the Smash Mansion and kill Lucas, save Yoshi, and conquer everything!" Ness said, in triumph of his plan. "And I'll have to do it silently, with stealth."

He looked through a window, and saw Yoshi being dragged away by Lucas.

"AAAAAGH!" Ness screamed. "YOSHI'S BEING DRAGGED AWAY BY LUCAS!"

Lucas walked to the window.

"So, Ness, you have decided to return!" Lucas smirked.

"Why yes, I have! I'm here to take back my rightful position!" Ness exclaimed, banging his fist on the window sill.

Lucas chuckled. "Ness, face it! You suck! No one likes you. They all love me!"

"Oh no they don't!"

"But they do."

"No they don't."

"They do."

"Prove it!"

Samus walked by.

"Hey, you know how much I hate Ness and how much I love you?"

Lucas handed Samus a sum of money.

"NOOO!" Ness screamed. "But let Yoshi go! What did he ever do to you?"

"He's interfering with my plans!"

"What plans?"

"Uh…"

Lucas ran as fast as he could, dragging the green omnivore behind him.

"Now to get inside!"

Ness laughed evilly.

The psychic slowly sneaked southward so he could carry his conquering convolution.

"I shall enter my room! No one will ever suspect me to go there! AHAHAHA!"

Ness, using his psychic ability, floated up towards his room and climbed through the coincidentally open window.

"Ness? Is that you?"

The boy turned to suddenly see Nana.

"Nana?"

"Oh, Ness, I've been missing you so much! I pleaded them to let you go but… I'm so glad you're here!"

Nana kissed Ness.

"You… you just kissed me!" Ness said, dumbstruck.

"All girls would kill for a guy like you!"

Ness' friend, Popo, fell out of the nearest closet with a knife in his back.

"Ah… um… er…"

"What's wrong?"

"Heck, you just killed Popo! My friend!"

"Only because he got in the way!"

"But, but… Nana, I have to tell you something. I can't stay with you. Until I get my place back at the Mansion. You see, Lucas is trying to ruin our lives here! I can't let that happen. I… I…"

"Don't worry, I understand. Ness, I love you."

"Um… right!"

Minuscule fractions of a second passed, when someone spoke.

"But… Nana! I thought that you liked me!"

The two turned to see Young Link.

"NUUUEZ!" Ness screamed. He zapped Young Link with his psychic energy.

"You just killed Young Link!" Nana screamed, hyper-ventilating.

"Why did you even kiss me in the first place? That was so… random, and uncalled for."

"True!" Nana said, in a matter-of-fact voice.

She stabbed Ness. In the heart.

* * *

Ness woke up. 

"Thank goodness it was all a dream!"

It wasn't.

Ness looked around and saw Yoshi, reading a book.

"Hey there Yoshi!" Ness said.

"Hey there Ness!"

"Let's go kill Lucas!"

"Ness?" Yoshi said, gulping. "I signed a contract to only be able to kill one person a day. It's for my stress and anger management!"

"What!?"

Ness was about to shoot his magical PK Fire at Yoshi, when some Koopas came in, with a tray filled with lots of doctor-like stuff. Like defibrillators.

"What are those for?" Ness asked.

"Slowly killing you!" one of the Koopas replied.

"I can't let you do that! He's my friend!" Yoshi said.

"It needs to be done. Apparently, he has been getting in the way of Master Hand."

Yoshi grabbed a mallet and whacked a Koopa into Zelda's face.

"Yoshi! It needs to be done! I did nothing!" one of the Koopas screamed.

Yoshi's tongue shot into the Koopa, and swallowed it.

"Go Yoshi!"

Suddenly, a Hammer Bros. SWAT team came in through the roof.

"Stop right there, dinosaur!" one of them said.

Yoshi grabbed a nearby katana and stabbed one of the Koopas, and then threw another into the SWAT team.  
The SWAT team started to throw bananas at Yoshi, which he sliced. Menacingly.

Ness suddenly electrocuted everyone in the room except the green omnivore.

"Phew! That was close!" he said.

"Yeah! We almost blew our cover as people trying to kill Lucas!" Ness said, unnecessarily loudly.

"Ness?"

"Those suckers will never find out!" he exclaimed, even louder than the last time.

"Ness?"

"What?"

"Try not to be so loud."

"Okay."

An angry mob formed outside the room.


End file.
